[Essay] Memories of Christmas

In 1987, when I was 6 years old, I went to kindergarten for the first time, led by my mother. The exact name of the kindergarten I went to at the time was “Saemaeul Preschool,” but the tuition was cheaper than other kindergartens thanks to government subsidies, and it was the only one in the neighborhood that had all-day classes (9 a.m. to 6 p.m.).

Since my mother was working as an insurance agent for ○○ Life (in today's parlance, an insurance planner) at the time, there was no one to take care of me, so she took me with her to work until I was 5 years old (so I went all over Seoul and Gyeonggi Province holding my mother's hand to sign up for insurance for acquaintances), and when I turned 6, when it became possible to enroll in full-day kindergarten, she enrolled me.

It was a daily routine where I took the preschool shuttle bus in front of my house around 8:30 in the morning, drove around the whole neighborhood, picked up the children, arrived at the preschool around 9:00, ate snacks and lunch at the preschool, took a nap, played all day, and then my mother came home from work in the late afternoon and picked me up.

There's a memory that comes to mind every Christmas, and it's something my mother often tells me she's sorry about.

On December 23rd or 24th, the kindergarten held a Christmas event, and it was a day when children performed plays, gave speeches, and played games with their parents. On this day, as usual, my mother went to work and arrived at the nursery near the end of the event to find all the mothers of the other children holding wrapped gifts. So, the mother said to the other child's mother, "Oh my, I guess you gave the children gifts like this at the preschool, right? Thank you very much." The child's mother, who was asked the question, was surprised and answered, "Oh, didn't you hear from Youngmin's mother? I told the mothers to prepare gifts to give to the children today. I guess they were busy with work and couldn't receive them."

In other words, when parents of children brought wrapped gifts for their children, a shuttle driver dressed as Santa would hand out gifts at the last hour of the event. At that time, there were no online kids' notes like there are these days, and all that was done was for mothers to pass on reminders to each other or write them down on paper notices at the kindergarten, so the mother forgot to do this.

So, my mother went to the supermarket on the first floor of the kindergarten building, bought as many bags of snacks as she could get her hands on, packaged them at the stationery store next door, and delivered them safely... Finally, it was time for the long-awaited gifts from Santa Claus.

The friends received their gifts one by one and excitedly opened the wrapping paper. Everyone was cheering with joy as they saw a series of gifts that the children really wanted to receive, such as the King Lion combined robot set, Lego gift set, Young Playmobil gift set, and princess kitchen play set, which were popular at the time.

Finally it's my turn.

Santa Claus says he is kind and gives him gifts, but they are different from his other friends in appearance. The friends come in a large box wrapped in colorful wrapping paper and with a ribbon around it, but the one I presented is small and crinkly. Still, I was full of anticipation and excitedly opened the packaging. A bag of ‘Scotch Candy’, which I usually ate but never expected as a Christmas gift, was my gift.

At that time, my mother looked at my expression and realized that even though I was only a 6-year-old child, the disappointment on my face was very clear. Then, as I looked at my other friends, the envy and disappointment that filled my face... As we walked hand in hand that winter night, when the sky was full of twinkling stars, my mother asked me.

“Didn’t you get the gift you wanted? Santa Claus will give you something better soon.”

“Yeah. But I like this too.”

There was no way I, an unfilial child, would have said that at the time, but from my mother's memory, I definitely said that. So, even when I got angry when I was a teenager and said, ‘I don’t know where something like that came out of my stomach,’ my anger quickly subsided as soon as I remembered the above Christmas incident when I was young. No matter how you look at it, I am an angel.

Anyway, a few days after the above incident, I received the most popular ‘Jedi lightsaber radio’ as a gift at the time, saying that Santa Claus had left a new one overnight. And I remember climbing on a blanket in every corner of the closet and having fun playing walkie-talkie with my father.

On December 23rd last year, 35 years later. There was a Christmas event at the daycare center for my daughter Dawon, who is now 3 years old. Just like when I was young, there was a gift-giving ceremony prepared by each parent...

While preparing a gift, I advised my wife, ‘Don’t prepare something too big, and even if you receive a gift, don’t take off the wrapping paper and check it on the spot.’ This was said out of concern that there might be a child whose parents were too busy to prepare a gift or a child who would be disappointed after seeing a gift that was better than their own.

Fortunately, my worries above were unfounded. At Dawon Daycare's Christmas event, all children's guardians attended and exchanged gifts, and the children went home to check the gifts without opening them on the spot. Was it perhaps the daycare center's consideration to prevent the disappointment I experienced as a child?

Dawon’s Christmas gift this year was the ‘Kongkong Hospital Play Set’. And on Christmas Eve, everyone, including my grandmother, grandfather, and aunt, gathered together to hand out gifts separately.

My father and mother, who are now in their 80s, could not be together due to a severe cough and cold suspected to be coronavirus, so we only had a video call. As she watched her granddaughter's antics through the phone, the wounds in her heart seemed to have completely healed. A parent's love for their child is endless, my mother no longer has to feel sorry for me, and it was a happier Christmas than ever with sweet memories of scotch candy.

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